Realistic Expectations Can Help Save Marriage

Why is it that the rate of divorce has been increasing over {several|a number of} decades? Our grandparent’s generation tended to marry for {life|existence}, and they somehow managed to make it work. {Perhaps|Possibly} {this is|this really is} {because|simply because} they had {different|various} expectations. {Maybe|Perhaps} we can help save marriage by taking a more practical and {less|much less} romantic approach.

Romantic Fiction: We will live happily ever {after|following}. {Real|Actual} {life|existence} continually throws up {problems|difficulties} for married couples. Your {spouse|partner}, no matter how well intentioned, will not {be able|have the ability} to wave a magic wand and make everything {better|much better}. {You will|You’ll} have to take joint responsibility in dealing with difficulties.

Myth: I can {change|alter} my {spouse|partner}. Your partner had many years to form personality traits {before|prior to} they met you. They {may|might} have habits that get on your nerves, but you wouldn’t have married them if they didn’t also have qualities you admire. You have to {learn|understand} to live with the whole package.

Myth: We {will be|will probably be} in love forever. If by {being|becoming} ‘in love’ you {mean|imply} you {will be|will probably be} passionately addicted to each other {to the|towards the} point where you {can’t|cannot} focus on {anything|something} else in {life|existence}, {you are|you’re} {probably|most likely} in for a disappointment. In marriage, the infatuation of romance eventually wears off. {It is|It’s} replaced by a more mature {kind of|type of} love: a constant, compassionate devotion to each other.

Don’t|Do not} expect your partner to {always|usually} {understand|realize} you or {be able|have the ability} to see {things|points} from your point of view. No two {people|individuals} are exactly alike, and no one can {read|study} your mind. If you want your partner to know where {you’re|you are} coming from, you’ll have to patiently explain.

Romantic Fiction: We will {never|in no way} argue {because|simply because} we {think|believe} alike. You and your mate were {probably|most likely} attracted to each other {because|simply because} you share {a lot of|lots of} opinions on {things|points} that interest you both. But you {can’t|cannot} predict the joint decisions {that you|which you} are {going|heading} {to be|to become} faced with {in the|within the} future. Unless {you are|you’re} clones, {there are|you will find} {going|heading} {to be|to become} disagreements. {You will|You’ll} have to {learn|understand} to negotiate solutions you both can agree to.

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